google is stupid

Google deleted my blog mistakenly today, but it's back.


I'm surprised to learn that PDA makes me uncomfortable. I didn't know that about myself, but I guess it's because I've never dated a guy who was so into it. But this guy I've been with the last couple weeks is ALL over me, ALL the time.

We went out to dinner the other night, and he held my hand on top of the table almost the whole time. He rubbed it so much it actually started to feel raw and painful. Just now we took a walk through the gayborhood, and his hand was on my ass or sneaking up under my t-shirt the whole time. He stopped and pulled me in for a kiss at least 10 times over the course of 30 minutes, and when we didn't stop for a kiss, he'd nibble on my ear as we were walking.

It's flattering, for sure. And I definitely like kissing him. I just feel like it's too much. Or, maybe I'm just worried that I'm not as sexual as he's going to want to be. I dunno. Anyway, we'll see.


Hello boys and girls! It has been a long time since I was here! So long, in fact, that Blogger made me prove my identity and re-set my password. Good grief.

A lot has happened, but I'm not going to do a re-cap, because who really cares? I'm just going to jump back into what's on my mind.

I've decided I really like anticipation. It's fun to fool around with a guy, but it's more fun to flirt and play and want it. I've had three really good experiences with that lately.

My friend Brad and I planned a camping trip. His boyfriend (and my friend) Thomas couldn't come, so it was just the two of us. We suspected (and had even discussed in the past) that someday we'd probably end up in a threesome, just because we all find each other attractive, and why not? But we'd never gotten around to it.

After a long, hot, dusty day of camping, we had a few beers by the fire and decided we needed to shower before bed. We packed up our stuff and headed to the bathroom. There were two showers, but only one worked, so we had to take turns. The showers were in stalls, with a door that closed, but we didn't bother. We'd seen each other naked, but only in groups, and only in the dark (skinny dipping). Brad went first, and I sat on the bench that fronted the shower stalls, but off to the side. He knew I was sitting there, and he knew I could see him through the gap between the wall and the door. So he faced me most of the time, and got hard. As you may remember, I have a thing for hot guys in showers, so it was a great show. When it was my turn, he didn't even make the pretense of sitting off to the side. He just sat right in front of the stall and watched me. I tried to ignore him because I didn't want to get hard. It was chubby and long, though, which is maybe even better. ;) That evening in the tent was....tense. But we were good little boys. I would never hook up with Brad if I didn't have Thomas' blessing. Won't make that mistake again!

My friend David had a hard week of workouts, and came over to my house for dinner. Before we left (for Sur, if you're interested) his lower back was killing him, so he took his shirt off, laid down in my TV room, and attached some electrode machine he has to his lower back. I was wandering around trying not to look, but then decided "oh, fuck it." I sat cross legged behind his head, and started lightly massaging his scalp and running my fingers through his hair. He asked "why are you being so gentle?" So I gave him a good head/ear/upper neck massage. For some reason, there's something so erotic and intimate about giving a guy a head massage. Even straight guys touch each other's bodies (play-fighting, bro-hugs, sports), but it's pretty rare to run your hands through another guy's hair, or touch his ears/eyebrows/forehead. Hot.

It was silent, and the afternoon light was playing on his smooth muscular chest and abs, which were rising and falling as he breathed. At one point I was holding his head in my hands, using gravity to work my fingers into the tense area where the back of the head meets the neck. Because of my position, my face was inches above his. As I stared at his closed eyes, red lips and five o'clock shadow, I desperately wanted to kiss him. Instead, he hopped up and we went to dinner. We spent a lot more time together that night in his room with a friend of ours from China, so nothing more happened. And the next night too (another great meal, this time at Katsu-ya, and more time in his room with the same friend, watching a bootleg musical and drinking two fantastic bottles of wine). Alas, still nothing.

I offered to take my friend Joey to the airport for an early flight, so he suggested I sleep over to make it easier. I brought some pizza and we watched a movie with his roommate. Earlier in the day he'd bought me some frozen yogurt and put it in the freezer (and knew my favorites, which I though was sweet). We went to bed early, and I woke up first and took a shower. As I was getting dressed, I called to him to wake up. When I was done dressing, he was still there, so I went and rubbed his back. He groaned, turned away from me, stuck his foot out of the covers, and fell back asleep.

A few minutes later I kicked off my shoes, climbed onto the bed next to him, pulled the covers down a bit, and began rubbing his shoulders and back. He told me his pinky and ring finger on each hand were asleep, so I worked on his hands and forearms. He kicked the blanket off and made no move toward getting up, so I rubbed his lower back and legs. Eventually I made my way to his butt (through his white Joe Boxer boxer-briefs, unfortunately). Just as I was sure it was going to go further, he hopped up and started walking toward the bathroom. He clearly had a big old boner, and made no effort to hide it. After he pee'd, he came back out with a change of underwear. He faced away from me, pulled down the Joe Boxers, and looked back and grinned at me. He knew exactly what he was doing.